Islam Jokes

Muslim humour

Why we are here?

Walking one evening along a deserted road, Nasruddin saw a troop of horsemen rapidly approaching. His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured or robbed or killed and, frightened by this thought, he bolted, climbed a wall into a graveyard, and lay down in an open grave to hide.

Puzzled at his bizzare behaviour, the horsemen – honest travellers – followed him.

They found him stretched out, tense, and shaking.

“What are you doing in that grave? We saw you run away. Can we help you? Why are you here in this place?”

“Just because you can ask a question does not mean that there is a straightforward answer to it,” said Nasruddin, who now realized what had happened. “It all depends upon your viewpoint. If you must know, however, I am here because of you – and you are here because of me!”

The Unshaven Man

A man was walking along the street when he passed another man with a lot of stubble on his face standing outside a shop. The first man asked:

“How often do you shave?”

“Twenty or thirty times a day,” answered the man with the stubble.

“What! You must be a freak!” exclaimed the first man.

“No, I’m only a barber,” replied the man with the stubble.

Nasruddin and His Donkey

One day, one of Mullah Nasruddin’s friends came over and wanted to borrow his donkey for a day or two. Mullah, knowing his friend, was not kindly inclined to the request, and came up with the excuse that someone had already borrowed his donkey. Just as Mullah uttered these words, his donkey started braying in his backyard. Hearing the sound, his friend gave him an accusing look, to which Mullah replied: “I refuse to have any further dealings with you since you take a donkey’s word over mine.”

Nasruddin and the Violin

Once, Mullah Nasruddin bought a violin. And he began to play.

Same note, same string, over and over.

After a few hours his wife was at her wits’ end. “Nasruddin!” she screamed.

Nasruddin put down the bow. “Yes dear?”

“Why do you play the same note? It’s driving me crazy! All the real violin players move their fingers up and down, play on different strings! Why don’t you play like they do?”

“Well dear, I know why they go up and down and try all different strings.”

“Why is that?”

“They’re looking for this note.” And he picked up his bow and resumed his playing.

The Caliph and the Delusional Man

A certain man claimed to be God and was brought before the Caliph, who said to him, “Last year someone here claimed to be a prophet and he was put to death!”

The man replied, “It was well that you did so, for I did not send him.”

(9th century joke)

Nasruddin and the Conqueror

A certain conqueror said to Nasruddin:

“Mulla, all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them. There was, for instance, God-Gifted, and God-Accepted, and so on. How about some such name for me?”

“God Forbid,” said Nasruddin.

Source: Google search for “Islamic Humour”

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3 responses to “Islam Jokes

  1. On the subject of jokes, and in the context of the Ghomeshi posting the other day related to the credibility of assault victims, from The Globe and Mail: “Can a rape joke ever be funny? Sexual assault victims host comedy tour to find out.” http://bit.ly/1TGBkFo

  2. Styra Avins

    These are like the Little Moron jokes of my childhood. The violin joke made it all worthwhile. I’m passing it on to my friends, cellists and violists in included.

  3. mike holliday

    I imagine this is meant to suggest that telling lame jokes means followers of Islam are just like me.
    I accept that, but I also realise that it does not mean that some followers of Islam have ideals and objectives that are massively different from my ideals and objectives and are actually injurious to my ideals and objectives.
    Put simply, they want to convert me to Islam, or kill me.
    That’s no joke.